Depression
by Resident Evil Lionhart
Summary: After the Sorceress was killed, Seifer was taken back into Garden, but reluctantly. So, when Christmas comes up and he knows he'll be alone, he does something drastic.  Bad summary, but whatever.  No Yaoi, but implies suicide.


**Well, I decided to fix a few things and I have even started a sequel! Anyone who is interested, the sequel is called "He Would Make Sure Of It." Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or the characters or anything. Just this little plot bunny.**

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><p><strong>Seifer's POV<strong>

Seifer recognized the symptoms for what they were. He knew, had _seen_, SeeD who had what he had and had watched them get better slowly with the help of friends and family. Seifer also knew that he had no one like that to help _him_.

Maybe, if he hadn't screwed up and let the Sorceress mind-fuck him, maybe he would have what they had. But Fujin and Raijin had left long ago to continue their lives and he didn't have the right to ask them to abandon that for him. He just wasn't worth that. And the orphanage gang still hated him, even though Matron had actually stood up for him and insisted that he had been mind controlled.

"He was always an ass, Matron, even before that." Zell had growled, hate clearly showing in his eyes. Not that Seifer cared what the Chicken-Wuss thought of him, but Squall…

Squall was another story. Seifer had always had a crush on him, he just hadn't realized what it was until Ultimecia had promised that she could make Squall love him back. He had given in to her whispering because of that, but he realized when she ordered him to kill him later that she had been full of it.

Quistis had always been a bossy know-it-all and had hated Seifer from before his last field exam back when he had been a cadet. Irvine, he had barely known him and only from before Garden. Selphie really was indifferent to him and neither smiled nor glared at him. Zell had disliked him before the Sorceress War, and hated him now. Rinoa had liked him and had even dated him a bit before her clingyness had gotten too much for him. Now she likely hated him too, he did give her to Adel after all. He wouldn't know for sure though, Squall and the others wouldn't let him anywhere near her. She was their "Princess", after all. Squall had made it painfully clear where he stood on Cid letting Seifer back into Garden shortly after Ultimecia had been taken care of.

_**Flashback**_

"You have to be kidding, Headmaster!" Quistis gasped when he announced that he was reinstating Seifer into Garden.

"I am not." Cid had frowned, being serious for once.

"But this…this Monster can't be trusted around the students!" she had argued, but Cid shook his head.

"Seifer is not a monster, Quistis. He wasn't in control of his own actions during the war and you know it. He was just as much a victim as Edea. Would you call her a monster for what she did?"

"Well, no, but…!"

"What makes Seifer any different?" Edea asked sadly, knowing it was a moot point. Her children wouldn't listen to her anymore, not about this.

"He was always an ass, Matron, even before that," Zell had growled, hate clearly showing in his eyes.

"Why would that be a good enough reason to turn one of my children out into the unforgiving world without protection or help?" Matron actually sounded angry. It made them all cringe with remembrance of when they were children at the orphanage.

"Because he betrayed us." was Squall's quiet response. To say that he was still angry from the torture would be an understatement.

"As did I, but you have forgiven me. Why not Seifer?"

"That was different Matron. You weren't a pompus asshole to us before Ultimecia," Zell whined, not happy about her taking Seifer's side.

"Fine. Hate him if you must, but be civil and let him stay here, in his home. My children, have I taught you nothing?" Edea relented sadly.

"It's ok, Matron. I don't need them to like me, so long as they don't give me unfair treatment because of it." Seifer had had enough of this never ending circle and just wanted to go to bed. He was tired of their hate and just wanted to relax for a while.

"If that's what you want Seifer…" Edea had shook her head, giving up.

_**End Flashback**_

Seifer was sure now, two years and eight months later, that he would never be forgiven. It was winter now, and Christmas was coming in only a week. He would never get to see it. Even if he were to live 'till then, the others would never let him go to Selphie's party.

Seifer heard a loud noise and jerked from his contemplations to look at what made it. He had been sitting on a bench in the Quad, bundled in warm clothes, and noticed that the intruder was wearing the same. The noise had come from the cell phone that had been slammed to the ground and had shattered.

"Something wrong?" he drawled at the newcomer who just glared at him.

"Nothing you need to know about, Almasy," Squall ground out, teeth gritted in anger.

"Really? 'Cause I thought that property damage was my field, not yours." Seifer smirked. He had long decided to act like nothing was wrong. None of them cared anyway, so why make a fuss? Besides, they might use it as an excuse to get rid of him. He wanted to die in Garden.

"I don't care what you think, so shut up," Squall snapped.

"Alright, fine. Don't say I never told you so when it comes up at tomorrow's meeting." Seifer shrugged. He knew he wouldn't make it to that meeting, but Squall didn't. He'd find out tomorrow, or the next day. Whenever they decided to find his worthless butt when he stopped showing up to things.

Something on his face must have shown his thoughts, because Squall was giving him a mildly disturbed and curious look.

"What?" Seifer asked, frowning. What did Squall care if he was upset by his own musings?

"Just…You seem more down lately."

"And that matters to you why? It's not a secret you all hate me. Everyone. Matron and Cid are just trying to make up for what I've gone through. They don't actually care. You can breath a sigh of relief now." Seifer smirked, but Squall could see the sadness and depression in his eyes that he hadn't seen there before.

Ignoring Seifer's sarcasm, Squall looked worried for a moment before, "Are you sure there's nothing else wrong?"

"Oh, I'm sure alright." Seifer half-smirked in a poor attempt to hide how badly he felt. It didn't matter, though. Not anymore.

Seifer stood up stiffly and waved good bye to Squall as he left the Quad. It would be the last time they saw each other.

The last time he had to be reminded of that which was out of his reach because of a bitch Sorceress. He would make sure of it.


End file.
